Max Needs Bags
April 20, 2005
The weekly switcheroo involves double bagging urine-saturated pine dust kitty litter, which I toss down the garbage chute. What happens then, I try not to think about (but fail). I imagine David Letterman lobbing ten pound piss 'n litter bombs off the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater, cackling as they explode onto the street below.
It takes a lot of plastic bags to keep up with this routine. I'd like to buy super-thick, biohazard-labeled specialty bags, but I'm too cheap and too lazy to research their procurement. Instead, I save all our grocery bags (diaphanous, half-mil-thick little numbers) and all the bags from my take-out lunches, which are slightly thicker, but smaller and more brittle. My guess is the grocery bags are polyethylene and the lunch bags are poly vinyl chloride (PVC). This solution is both free and environmentally correct.
I find that plastic bags store and transport better when folded and pressed flat. You should know that I eat lunch at the single round meeting table in the center of our trading area. Most of the people I work with eat lunch at this table, though not at the same time.
The start of my lunch time routine, then, is the ritual folding and pocketing of the lunch bag. We takes the lunch out of my precious. We folds my precious. We pockets it! I'm sure I look OCD. No one ever asks about it, though. And I never tell.
Well, once I told. For kicks, I told my office mate Aquiles. Aquiles is a gregarious fellow from Venezuela who talks fast and to the point, despite a thick accent. Courtney and I hang out with he and his wife and kids three or four times a year.
At this point he would tell the story better than I, but I'll give it a go.
He'd say, “I asked Max, ““Why you needing bags?”” and he said, ““For the cats -- to put the litter”” and I said ““Oh, you need bags? You want me to give you bags?”” and he said ““Yes, why not,”” so I start giving him my bags -- because Max needs bags. I don't know why, but Max needs bags.”
Then his wife would tell you the same story, as relayed to her by him. “Aquiles said ““Max needs bags”””. Then Courtney would relay to them my habit of coming home and emptying my pockets of said bags and leaving them randomly about our apartment. And Aquiles's wife would remind me, the next time we see her, to be a good husband and not leave plastic bags in inappropriate places. And Courtney would tell other of our friends the same story, “Maria said ““Aquiles said “““Max needs bags””””””.
And now I'm telling you.
Next in news:Year end wrap upIt takes a lot of plastic bags to keep up with this routine. I'd like to buy super-thick, biohazard-labeled specialty bags, but I'm too cheap and too lazy to research their procurement. Instead, I save all our grocery bags (diaphanous, half-mil-thick little numbers) and all the bags from my take-out lunches, which are slightly thicker, but smaller and more brittle. My guess is the grocery bags are polyethylene and the lunch bags are poly vinyl chloride (PVC). This solution is both free and environmentally correct.
I find that plastic bags store and transport better when folded and pressed flat. You should know that I eat lunch at the single round meeting table in the center of our trading area. Most of the people I work with eat lunch at this table, though not at the same time.
The start of my lunch time routine, then, is the ritual folding and pocketing of the lunch bag. We takes the lunch out of my precious. We folds my precious. We pockets it! I'm sure I look OCD. No one ever asks about it, though. And I never tell.
Well, once I told. For kicks, I told my office mate Aquiles. Aquiles is a gregarious fellow from Venezuela who talks fast and to the point, despite a thick accent. Courtney and I hang out with he and his wife and kids three or four times a year.
At this point he would tell the story better than I, but I'll give it a go.
He'd say, “I asked Max, ““Why you needing bags?”” and he said, ““For the cats -- to put the litter”” and I said ““Oh, you need bags? You want me to give you bags?”” and he said ““Yes, why not,”” so I start giving him my bags -- because Max needs bags. I don't know why, but Max needs bags.”
Then his wife would tell you the same story, as relayed to her by him. “Aquiles said ““Max needs bags”””. Then Courtney would relay to them my habit of coming home and emptying my pockets of said bags and leaving them randomly about our apartment. And Aquiles's wife would remind me, the next time we see her, to be a good husband and not leave plastic bags in inappropriate places. And Courtney would tell other of our friends the same story, “Maria said ““Aquiles said “““Max needs bags””””””.
And now I'm telling you.
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