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A Prickly Situation April 3, 2001

Dear Dr. Max,

I have a situation on my hands that I just don't know how to handle. I'm afraid my emotions are being affected by physical beauty.

You see, I started dating two guys at about the same time and did not favor one over the other at first. Then I saw their penises. One guy has a strange almost scary, irregularly shaped cock and the other guy ... well, he has simply the most beautiful genitals I've ever seen.

Now, I find myself falling for the pretty penis guy. I'm concerned that my feelings are really for his gorgeous groin and not the person attached. Is my heart in the wrong place?

Sincerely,

Holding On to a Good Thing
 

Dear Ms. Thing,

I can't begin to tell you all the terrible things I saw while doing research to answer your question. OK, let me mention two: self mutilation of the penis and circumcisions gone wrong. Still, since this is the first letter I've gotten in over three YEARS, I suffer this gladly.

Since you've had the time and occasion to study these two gents' johnsons, I'll assume that you are sexually active with both (gents). This generally indicates either a tendency toward nymphomania or, more likely, an inability to choose or commit to one partner.

While not discounting any real physical differences among the phalluses in question, I submit that it is the actual person behind the penis that you find "scary" versus "irregular" or "pretty", "gorgeous", and "beautiful". Projecting these qualities on their ding-a-lings serves to de-personalize the whole affair. You don't have to face whatever desirable and undersirable qualities each man has. You don't have to examine the depth (or shallowness) of your own boy-choosing criteria.

If you really like to look at the pretty one, take a picture. Then choose your beau for more sensible reasons.

One more thing. So I can complete my analysis of this ménage, please send me a description of your own genitalia.
 

- Dr. Max

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